There seems to be endless emphasis in research and media on relationships between people—friendships, romantic relationships, enemies, strangers. And that’s for good reason. Healthy relationships are arguably the most important key to happiness. Yet people oftentimes neglect the most important relationship we can have--the relationship with our self. Your relationship with yourself in many ways dictates how your relationships with others go and how you feel about yourself. This is why it’s important to prioritize self-care and self-love. Self-love looks different for each of us. For some people it’s working out endlessly, for someone else it’s eating the perfect meal, and for someone else it’s taking some time for peace and quiet. What works for you?
One of the easiest ways to determine the best way to love yourself is by using love languages. Yes, the same love languages, developed by Gary Chapman, that we talk about in marriage and other close relationships. If you’re not familiar with love languages, you’re missing out. At its core, a love language describes how a person feels loved (and likely expresses it). (Click here to read something I wrote about love languages in relationships with others, or visit the love language website.)
While love languages are typically applied apply to relationships with other people, they can also be applied to the relationship you have with yourself. Below are some great starting points to weaving your love language into your self-love routine. The five love languages that Gary Chapman identified are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts
If your love language is Physical Touch, try doing things that make your body feel good and focus on your physical health. Spa days, exercising, skincare, and soft blankets are great for people who desire physical touch.
If your love language is Words of Affirmation, be nice to yourself! Give yourself pep talks and words of encouragement. Daily affirmations and journaling can be a great place to start. For many of us, our self-talk is mostly critical, a scolding voice telling us all the ways we’re imperfect and unworthy. Putting in some effort to change that voice to something more positive can improve the overall quality of our lives.
If your love language is Quality Time, spend alone time with yourself! Meditate, read, paint, write, take yourself out on a date! Shape the kind of time you value most, and make it a priority. Don’t let work or other commitments become more important than giving yourself the time you need to refresh and recharge.
If your love language is Acts of Service, try doing things for yourself that make your life easier. There are a variety of things that this might include, but planning, organizing, cleaning, and delegating are some good places to start. Find the things that make you feel better about yourself, and do one every day.
If your love language is Receiving Gifts, treat yourself! Without increasing your stress by spending money you can’t afford, find ways to treat yourself. From ice cream to a vacation, from new shoes to a new wardrobe, spend wisely while finding ways to invest in yourself.
Every aspect of our life draws from the relationship we have with our self. Starting there, showing yourself some love in a way you know you understand, is a good way to improve every aspect of your life.