How We Feel Loved
Despite the love that you and your partner have for each other, does it ever feel like you aren’t appreciated or loved? Does it feel like there’s a disconnect between you and your partner and you’re not sure why? This is more common than you might think. Luckily, Gary Chapman has identified five love languages that can help partners better understand each other and themselves.
Understanding your own and your partner’s love languages can be crucial to maintaining a loving relationship. There are 5 different love languages: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. These love languages can help you give and receive love in more meaningful ways. Here's a short description of each:
Individuals who have a love language of Words of Affirmation value positive words. They love to hear kind and encouraging words from their loved ones. If your partner has this love language, unsolicited compliments are key. Giving reassurance and being encouraging can really make this person feel loved and appreciated. Insults and verbal abuse can be especially damaging to your partner and your relationship.
Individuals who have a love language of Physical Touch value physical closeness. They love innocent and thoughtful touches. If your partner has this love language, it is important to initiate unexpected touches like hugs, kisses, touches on the arm, etc. Neglecting touch can be detrimental to your relationship, as, of course, is any kind of physical abuse or unkind touch.
Individuals who have a love language of Quality Time value time spent with their partner. They appreciate people who are in the present moment with them. If your partner has this love language, it’s important to give them your full and undivided attention as you spend time together. Distractions and constantly postponing events can be harmful to the relationship.
Individuals who have a love language of Acts of Service value people and things that make their lives easier. They appreciate people doing things for them that ease their burden of responsibilities. If your partner has this love language, try things like cooking, cleaning, and organizing for them. Being lazy and breaking commitments can be serious turnoffs for people with this love language.
Individuals who have a love language of Receiving Gifts like to…receive gifts. This seems obvious, but it's important to make sure these gifts are thoughtful and relatively frequent. If your partner has this love language, put a lot of effort into the gifts you give. These gifts represent tangible expressions of love. Missing a birthday or an anniversary can really be hurtful to your partner.
Now, that you have at least a little knowledge about the different love languages, apply it and see a drastic change in your relationship! Check out Chapman’s website to learn more, and click here to take the test.
(Chapman's work on love languages has gone beyond romantic love. There are also quizzes and tips for maintaining other family and friend relationships, too.)
Chapman, Gary. “Discover Your Love Language.” The 5 Love Languages®, 13 Mar. 2019, www.5lovelanguages.com/.