"Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." (Brene Brown)
How well do you know yourself? I mean really know yourself? Do you know what drives you? Do you know why you do the things you do, or what made you the way you are? At the start of last year I thought I knew myself better than anyone, and that might have been true. But then I started going to therapy, and I learned that Me, Myself, and I were still very much in the honeymoon stage. Personally, I think everyone should be in therapy, but for those who aren’t, here are the first three steps I took to get to know my authentic self:
- Spend some quality time with yourself. This does not mean spending time alone. Staying in bed watching TV or scrolling through your phone will not give you insight. What I mean is, spend some time looking within. I did this in two ways: Journaling and Talking with my therapist. Both were focused on telling my story…mostly to me. Narrative storytelling is a powerful tool in self-discovery, and it has been pivotal in strengthening my awareness of why I am the way I am;
- Identify your strengths and weaknesses and take ownership of them. Strengthsfinders, 16 Personalities, and other personality tests can be a good place to start with this. My classmates and I all took the CliftonStrengths test. I additionally took the Myers Briggs and the Enneagram personality tests. These tests aren’t perfect, but they can help you learn a little more about who you are and maybe even provide some direction if you’re struggling with finding purpose in your life. Additionally, asking for feedback from those you believe know your most authentic self can be useful; and
- Identify your values and set boundaries (and respect them!). One of the biggest problems I have faced is that I’ve been a people pleaser. I would constantly put others' needs before my own. There is nothing wrong with that or with helping others, so long as it doesn’t come at the expense of your own well-being. Get comfortable saying “no” to people. I promise they’ll get over it. I was so desperate for people to like me that I would disregard my own needs and priorities to help their needs get met. It is always important to help others, but you can’t neglect helping yourself, too. You’re no good to the world if you’re constantly burned out and stressed.
That’s a bit about the path I’ve been on as I’ve been getting to know myself. Whether you follow these steps or create your own unique path, either way, getting to know yourself can be incredibly helpful as you make choices about your present and your future.