“What should I order?” This is the question I ask my friends every time we’re at a restaurant.
Welcome to the mind of an indecisive person. More specifically, welcome to my mind.
Graduating high school in India and moving to the US for further education was a big step for me. While there were many challenges, I was suddenly faced with one daunting task that I am still working on: Making decisions. Lots of them. On my own!
While for many this freedom might be the reason they come to college, it was terrifying for me since I grew up with a twin brother and we did practically everything together. I always had someone to rely on to make decisions for me. I did whatever my brother did because he made the decisions and I went with whatever he picked. Suddenly, I had to make my own choices and be sure they aligned with my values. For a while, I tried to rely on my friends in college to make decisions for me. But, I knew I had to learn how to make decisions of my own.
Over time, I’ve come to see that my indecisiveness stems from a desire to do everything. I don’t want to make any choices because I want to experience all the possibilities (the good ones, at least) and not have to choose just one. But with only 24 hours in a day, I cannot possibly be everywhere at once doing everything I want. Coming to college has taught me that I have to make choices, let go of all the things I don’t choose, and learn to be okay with it. Do I still have a serious fear of missing out? Yes. But I am learning, adjusting, and trying to focus my attention on enjoying what I have and the wonderful things I get to do.
Prioritizing has been the biggest key for me in learning to make decisions. In my attempt to do everything, I realized that I was trying to do things I didn't enjoy doing. I was letting my life be dictated by other people’s expectations and desires rather than my own.
Setting goals for myself to make small decisions that fit my priorities, even if the only person pleased by those decisions is me, has also been helping. It brings a sense of satisfaction to my life and makes my life my own. In this way, by taking small steps toward making small-to-big decisions I’m happy with, I've gained more control over my life. I’m designing a life that resonates with my true self. Each decision I make, no matter how small, contributes to shaping a life that is more meaningful to me.
