"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
— Robert Frost
From the moment we are born, most of us are in touch with love. It is largely through our parents and childish fairytales that we shape our first definitions of pure, genuine love. And, unconsciously, we chase that feeling for the remainder of our lives, looking for a love that mimics everything we have experienced and learned. This craving for love is nurtured in our lives and set in our biology, our body releasing high levels of dopamine and oxytocin (or, in simple terms, happy and lovey-dovey hormones) to let us know just how much we love to love.
But not everyone has positive experiences with love. Some of us have kissed too many frogs, praying that one of them would be Prince Charming. Others have been hurt so bad that they've come to believe love is too risky to be worth it. Yet, despite all odds, even these people (all of us!) love to love. Love is made for every one of us. It's an extraordinary thing that can bring people together in ways nothing else can. No matter what your definition of love—and there are many—I think we can agree that love fosters the ability to connect souls and create meaningful relationships and some of our greatest experiences. While the media suggest that the best love is romantic, that isn’t necessarily true. Some of our truest, longest-lasting love is found in relationships with friends, family, and others we admire.
The reason we crave love so much is not simply because we wish to have a significant other, (though they do come with a few extra perks), but because we desire a deep connection with someone beyond ourselves. While we entered this world alone, and we will leave it alone, in between we deeply wish to be surrounded by love. Love and connection are the greatest fighters of loneliness. And long-term loneliness can have devastating effects on our mental, emotional, and physical health. Deep down, we fear being pushed out, alone, forgotten. It’s one of our most natural fears…and that means, it’s also natural that we try to surround ourselves with others, to create connections and to, even just for a moment, feel like we aren’t alone.
References:
Chapman, Heather M., "Love: A Biological, Psychological and Philosophical Study" (2011). Senior Honors Projects. Paper 254.
Hoyt, Alia. “Why Do We Fall in Love?” HowStuffWorks, HowStuffWorks, 8 Feb. 2018, health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/love/why-do-we-fall-in-love.htm#:~:text=This%20happens%20because%20our%20brains,more%20dopamine%2C%20which%20increases%20pleasure.
Love and the Brain.” Neurobiology, neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harvard-mahoney-neuroscience-institute/brain-newsletter/and-brain/love-and-brain.